11 A.M.

     Five days a week, for 6 weeks straight, I had a daily commitment at 11 a.m. I was going through cancer treatment and had finished chemo a few months earlier (which I will address another time) Now, it was time for radiation, which they told me it would be a "cake walk" compared to chemo. What do "they" know? And who walks around with cake anyway?

      All the pamphlets and websites that are recommended to read prior to radiation, try to sugarcoat the experience. This is the real deal and hopefully you will never have to go under the gamma rays. Doing this day after day, I had a routine, but it didn't make it any easier. When I would go inside the cancer center, I had a small bag with me. Inside that bag was: my Radiation ID card, my iPod, an eye mask, a bottle of water and a book (which I never got to read, but bought just in case).

     The first thing I did was to scan my ID card which opened the door for patients to go back to the locker room. There I would change into a gown, and then go to the waiting area to try to watch "House Hunters". Most of the time, I was the only one there, but before I could even sit down one of the Rad. Team people would come get me.  They led me down the hall, passing a wall full of monitors, and finally through an enormous metal door, into a room that resembled a planetarium.

     Inside this over-sized room, it was dark but had recessed lighting so you could find your way around. It was filled with all kinds of crazy, expensive high-tech equipment and cameras. The ceiling was dotted with glowing stars that made up a mini solar system. Maybe if I wouldn't have been so nervous, I could've tried to relax and find the Big Dipper. And in the middle of it all was a long table that was controlled by the touch of a button. Above that was a vast circular device in which the table slid into, it was hollow and Sci-Fy fans could easily mistake it for portal into another dimension.
    

     On the cold metal table I would lie down onto a pillow specifically designed for me.  A team of people spoke their "radiation language"then guided me to lie flat on my back as they striped me of my gown; my only shield from the unknown. I put on my eye mask so that I couldn't see. Then I put my earphones in and pushed play on my Ipod so I couldn't hear. From that point on I was told not to move. Trying not to move was so hard.

     The Rad.Team people would push and pull me side to side, and up and down until I was in the exact position. Next, they pushed the button that moved the table upward. However, my sense of direction was absent due to my inability to "see" or "hear" and suddenly, I felt as if I was being lowered into a grave. Then the Rad. Team people exited the room. I really felt that there just was not enough air to breathe, like I was being tortured in some kind of intricate way. Now, I was in panic mode. Just kill me already!

     Radiation time was usually only 10 minutes, time enough to listen to 3 songs.  Under this "Star Gate" portal apparatus, it was loud. It was spinning and flashing and somehow I was becoming very dizzy, sweaty and very close to jumping off of the table and making a run for it.  I felt so uncomfortable, so claustraphobic.  This 10 minutes felt like 10 years of my life. During this time it was very difficult to see this as a good thing. I just wanted it to be over.

     There were a few times in which I just sat up and yelled "I can't do this!" They would then come in to try and comfort me, (it seemed phony) really they just wanted me to be done so they could go to lunch. Even with my husband in the next room, it wasn't enough for me to be able to just do what I needed to do, which was to lie still.  I would say it got easier each time, but it didn't.  Actually, it got worse, because I knew what to expect. Saturdays and Sundays were my only break, because even after I finished one treatment, I just dreaded the next.

     After about 3 weeks, the evidence of radiation became very evident- Burn marks and peeling and discoloration. My skin became very tight and itchy. During this time, I was also not allowed to use my regular lotions, shower gels or deodorant.  By this point in my cancer treatment, all the calls of concern and support, from friends and family had ceased. They assumed I was good, but I didn't feel like me. I didn't want to be me. I was in this alone and began to understand how easy it would be to slip into a deep depression.

     Following each treatment I had about an hour, maybe 2 before I could just not keep my eyes open any longer. It felt as if I'd pulled an "all nighter" or three, went to sleep and then was forced to wake up again. I felt this way ALL the time! So I would nap for a few hours until the kids came home from school. Then I would literally have to drag myself off of the couch and carry on with my day, however after dinner I was back on the couch, beyond exhausted, beyond frusterated.

      The treatments became more difficult as the burns became worse and the exhaustion became almost too much to handle for a person like me who's always on the go. Then one day, November 1, 2012, I completed my final radiation treatment. My husband, as well as the entire Rad. Team were present as I read the poem and rang the bell, that signified treatment was over. There were no words.

     

Just Because it was Cinco de Mayo

     One thing I love to do is cook, and it's a good thing because I also love to eat! While I love going out to eat, it's more of a thrill to me to have made it myself. There doesn't have to be a special occasion or a holiday to create some magic in my kitchen, sometimes it's just because. Although today, it was Cinco de Mayo, and I have so many favorite Mexican recipes, that we will probably dine on Mexican cuisine for the next week or so.

      To celebrate this holiday, we had  one of our favorite Mexican meals of Chorizos with peppers, mushrooms and onions on the grill, wrapped in a tortillas with shredded cheese and my homemade  picante sauce. Along with that my son and I made a 7 layer dip, which is a combination of several recipes, that I created using our favorite ingredients.

      This is a very easy recipe that can be made in under 15 minutes.

Ingredients:

1 can of refried beans (Fat Free or Original, your preference)

1 16 oz. jar of Pace Chunky Salsa Medium

1 8 oz. brick of cream cheese, softened

1 pkg. of taco seasoning mix or 3 Tablespoons of homemade taco seasoning, which I made earlier from a recipe on this blog: http://www.rachelcooks.com/2011/10/28/homemade-taco-seasoning/

2 cups of shredded lettuce

2 cups of shredded Mexican cheese blend

3 green onions chopped small

1/2 cup of chopped green olives with pimentos, drained

Tortilla Chips

1.  Spread the refried beans onto dish or platter with a rubber spatula.

2.  Put cream cheese in a bowl, if it's not soft enough, give it 25 seconds in the microwave just so it's easy to stir. Add in the taco seasoning and stir.

3.  Spread the cream cheese mixture carefully onto the refried beans.

4.  Next, pour the Pace on top, spreading with either a spatula or back of a spoon. You don't have to use the entire jar, it's completely up to you.

5.  Then cover the Pace with the shredded lettuce followed by the cheese, green onions and olives and refrigerate.

*This recipe could also be more than 7 layers if you choose to add more.*

Other topping ideas: tomatoes, black olives, cilantro, green chilis, etc.

Enjoy making and eating this dip. Please feel free to share your creations with comments or pictures. And Happy Cinco de Mayo!!

More than a Hike

      I'm not sure what possessed me to hike over 7 miles, maybe because it wasn't just a hike, it was a mission. The day started off, kinda crazy, pretty much the day was normal. I had a million things to get done, yet I was scrolling through the Pinterest feed, looking for a new recipe to try or another project to start.

     Well, around 12:30ish, my husband calls and asks if I want to go to squadron PT (physical training) with him. I remembered he'd mentioned something about this earlier. "Sure, I'm game." I love a good workout, and especially since it was Friday. Usually by the end of the week, I am just going through the motions at the gym. Within 30 minutes, we were at the one of the parking areas for the River's Edge Trail.

     Initially, it started off as just a walk. There was a large group of people, some on bikes, some with dogs, some with kids, all clogging up this trail not quite wide enough for all of us. After a few minutes of being behind this wall of people, my husband took the initiative and passed them. I was relieved, because I felt trapped. From there on, we picked up our pace, actually we were averaging around 4.1 mph according to my Fitness App on my phone. Besides my phone, I was carrying a water bottle, and the ice was now non-existent in this 68 degree weather. In this climate, this was as spring as it will get, because all us who live here know, we still have a few more days with snow.

     Okay, so we'd passed the slow people, walking at a good pace and now our mission was to locate a few geocaches that were along this trail. If you are unfamiliar with geocaching, it is basically using a smart phone or GPS device to find coordinates where a container is hidden with a logbook to sign, and sometimes there might be swag to trade. You also have to have a profile on the geocaching website: www.geocaching.com. At first geocaching was something we wanted to try, now it's who we are.

     The geocache was over 3 miles away, and the only way to get there was to hike or bike. At our steady pace, we were making our way off of the paved trail onto the dirt trail. This trail is filled with cacti, uneven at times and also very rocky. It would be easy to roll your ankle if you're not paying attention. Then there's also some mysterious holes made by creatures that I didn't care to see. Those we would practically leap over to avoid contact. The grass was dry, and every so often I had to pluck out a splinter from my sock. We could see people a long ways off, but we had a good lead on them. Bikers were ahead of us, but not by much.

     I turned the Geocaching App on my phone to see how much further we had to go, at that point it said .8 miles. We noticed unusual stacks of rocks along the tire tracks that we were now following. Walking in the tire impressions was a little easier to walk on and and also, made it easier to abstain a run-in with a snake. Once we were within 20 feet of the cache (geocache), we set down our water bottles and I read the description and clue. It said we were looking for a small rubber maid container and the clue was "look under rocks." Well, there were rocks everywhere, but the compass was pointing towards this 90+ feet drop-off, with the river below. "Great!" I said, 'cause there's nothing like scaling the edge of a mountain when you're looking down at your phone and not where you're stepping.

      My husband was making his way into the danger zone, looking under rocks, I did that for awhile, then went to safer ground. I noticed a pile of flat-looking rocks and underneath it was a plastic container, the geocache! I yelled out that I had found it, and also noticed that some of the other walkers had caught up to us at this point. I pulled the blue Sharpie out of my pocket to sign the log that my husband had took out of the container for me to sign. Unfortunately, there were loose papers inside that the wind caught and of course went straight off the cliff. Neither of us we're going to chase after it. Luckily, there was also a small notebook log. I signed that quickly, logged the "Find" on my phone and we were on our way.

     Approximately thirty minutes had passed before we found the 2nd geocache. Again we had to hike up and down rocky, uneven hills while avoiding cacti. A group of bikers were heading back as we were still making our way to our destination. They looked exhausted, like they were regretting taking on this expedition. Yet we continued on our way. The GPS was pointing us in a direction straight ahead, but with an incredibly steep canyon and the river below, made it impossible.  The only way, was to continue around on the trail. This was one of those "watch your step or die" type of trails that I was grateful to have such great balance while treading on it. Once again I read the description and clue as we neared 30 feet of the coordinates. My husband made the 'FIND", partially down this steep cliff with a breathtaking view. We both sat down in the dirt, re-hydrated and signed the log. I was extra careful not  to lose any of the cache contents and noticed that we were number 9 on the log, meaning not many people ventured out this far.

      I debated on whether or not to hunt for one last cache, but the harsh winds made up my mind. It was 2:30, and we were aiming to get back by 4pm.  Our mission was accomplished, but we were so far from the starting point it seemed impossible that we could even make the journey back. However, we took the most direct route back following the telephone lines that would eventually lead us back to the trail, only stopping briefly for water, we made it to our vehicle by 3:55pm. My Fitness App logged us as doing 7.12 miles.

     In the beginning, I had no intent on hiking for that long. Even the goals of finding the geocaches didn't seem as important until we were deep into our "Geo-Journey." Sometimes I think the greatest adventures come from unplanned events.

Welcome to My Blog

     Hello, to those of you who have found your way to my blog. I am writing to you from Montana where it will continue to be winter until early June. Mentally, I am lounging beside a beach, sipping a margarita or two, while listening to the waves. I love the beach, palm trees, warm..no actually hot weather and the sound of the ocean. So then why do I live in Montana? Well, I am here against my will. Sort of, well you see, my husband is in the Air Force which makes me a military wife/mother. So we were sent here to live (not by choice) with our 2 kids ages 15 and 13, in this place that I cannot bear to call home, but for now...it is.